im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
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Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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