You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
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VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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