Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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