tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
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I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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