so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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