My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
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So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
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My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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