Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
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i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
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Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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