So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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