mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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