I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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