Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
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My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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