evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
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I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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