I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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