sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I love having hate sex.
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We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
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Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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