I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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