Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
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I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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