When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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