It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
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You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize