Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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