you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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