make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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