"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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