don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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