Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we have officially lost it.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize