I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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