Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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