The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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