I think i sorta joined a cult last night
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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