Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
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The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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