they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
These tits shall not be calmed
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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