nut hugger
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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