I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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