please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
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Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize