I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He felt like a one man threesome
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
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I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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