is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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