Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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