Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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