I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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