dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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