I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
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I think your dad took our porno
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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