Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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