Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize