dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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