Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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