WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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