Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
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I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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