Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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