Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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