so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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