i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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